zonkered.net

Sometimes you come across something that is utterly, mind-bogglingly confusing. Bewildering. Weird. It grabs you, and anytime you see something that reminds you of it, you stop for a second: how does that even work? what are they thinking? no, really, why?

Which is exactly what I think every time I see Jesse Eisenberg’s distinctively arrogant geek-hipster expression behind the neon-green GENIUS. PUNK. BILLIONAIRE. (really now?) on one of The Social Network movie posters. Followed closely by: Why is this not a made-for-tv movie on TBS?

Because don’t get me wrong, I love the idea of dramatic tech industry movies. I am, after all, a former Machead who popped popcorn and made a date to watch the Mac vs. PC epic Pirates of the Silicon Valley. But that featured Noah Wyle, Anthony Michael Hall and Bill Gates crashing rental-car Ferraris. As far as I can tell, The Social Network features Harvard underwear, Jesse Eisenberg being intense and full of himself, and Justin Timberlake.

It doesn’t help that I don’t like Facebook – it’s full of account choking games, connects me with people I would prefer to imagine had been vaporized in a hushed-up nuclear accident, and my parents are on it – or that (given that I live in New York) every new media outlet is shrieking with glee over it, but really: this is a tv movie. That they’re showing in theatres. Which means it’s a tv movie with a hilariously overdramatic soundtrack and line readings that make the actors sound like they’ve mistaken Facebook for the cure for cancer.

I’ll rent it. Maybe.

If I’m really bored.

Or just watch Pirates of the Silicon Valley again.

The whole Roman Polanski bullshit is giving me a splitting headache, and it gets worse the more and more names of actors and writers and directors are added to the goddamned petition to leave poor Mr. Polanski alone. I mean, he totally couldn’t pick up his Oscar in person! Hasn’t he been punished enough?

What the hell-ass, people. Kate Harding says it more eloquently than I could, but let’s take a look at the facts:

1. Roman Polanski drugged and raped a thirteen year old child both vaginally and anally.
2. She testified that despite being drugged, she said no several times.
3. He pled guilty and then fled the country.
4. Roman Polanski drugged and raped a child. Oh, did I say that already?

Frankly, I don’t give a shit that the man is an acclaimed director. I thought The Pianist was good too, people. I think he’s done some good work artistically. I also think his crimes are inexcusable, and I’m disgusted by the tide of public opinion in his favor.

I have to wonder: how many of these artists would feel the same way if this had happened to their teenaged son or daughter? Would it be all good because the rapist was an artiste? Somehow I doubt that.

So, I got Juno through Netflix this weekend and popped it in to watch this morning.  Five minutes in I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to make it all the way through it (for those playing at home, that would be the moment “Honest to Blog” was uttered on the screen).  20 minutes in, I turned it off entirely.

It’s not that I have anything against hip dialogue, but there’s so much here that it’s distracting.  And annoying.  It goes from giving the movie the flavor of being young, to being tiring because it’s desperate to be young.  I think there might be a good story in there somewhere, but its buried under way too many layers of pretentious, hipper-than-thou language.

So I think I’ll just go back to renting dvds of The West Wing.

I saw a trailer for this over the weekend while I was at Quantum of Solace, and it looks like it might be good, but honestly? I only had one real reaction.

Keanu Reeves, starring as the emotionless kind of stoned alien character has not been so perfectly cast since The Matrix.

But this is indisputably the most hilarious interview the AV Club has ever done.  Probably my favorite part is the quote about Oliver Stone:

 Oliver Stone would not be making movies if I didn’t make movies. My roommate and I at Yale made two feature-length movies with a Bolex—which is a wind-up camera, not a social disease—while Oliver would hang out. He was writing this horrible, crappy novel—he was trying to be James Joyce or something, but it was awful—but as a result of hanging around us, he went to film school…But at Yale, he would hang out while I was making movies.

When I was in college (not, obviously, at Yale) I hung out and watched boys play video games.  Sadly this has not led to a career  as a hotshot video game designer.

I was reading The AV Club’s preview of the upcoming summer movies (and why they’ll kill the summer blockbuster model) here and also here, and it struck me that for the first time in several years there are actually several movies I want to see this summer.

I mean, just to start with, there’s Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull, and any Indy movie is one worth watching at least once. Then there’s The Dark Knight, and if Batman Begins was anything to go by, and it was, it will kickass. And there’s Get Smart. One of my favorite Nick at Nite series, stars Steve Carell and Anne Hathaway. Steve Carrell is awesome and no matter how much other people complain about her, I really love Anne Hathaway and I think she’s got the right look, at least, for 99. It’s a movie that’s destined to be fun at least.

Of course, this summer is also bringing us The Love Guru, or Mike Myers’ latest attempt to make me commit murder, so it’s not all great.

I am so sick of the Sex and the City movie, and it’s not even coming out until May.

To be honest, I was sick of it months ago, when they were still filming, because every single day it seemed like at least three separate blogs were carrying the same half dozen new pictures from the filming of the movie, usually of Sarah Jessica Parker in some incredibly crazy outfit. Now they’ve moved on to promo pictures and gossip about who’s wearing what to the premiere, and I could honestly care less. In fact, I might have to weed out some of my blogs until about a week after the premiere, just for my own personal sanity.

Okay, so we all know I’m too lazy to do that, but nevertheless: the thought is there.

Part of it is I was never a huge fan of the series in the first place. It’s heyday was when I was in college, with basic cable. I spent most of my college years in a really geeky dorm (because I, unsurprisingly, was a geek) and the dorm tv was usually either hooked up to the PlayStation or tuned into Cartoon Network. The most mainstream show we watched was The Practice. And frankly, even if I had HBO back them, SATC probably wouldn’t have appealed. I’ve only gotten interested in style relatively recently; in college my reaction would have probably been more along the lines of “she spent HOW MUCH on those shoes?”

Still, I think I probably would have gone to see the movie if it hadn’t been hyped within an inch of its life. It’s kind of a reverse corallation with me; the more a movie or book is talked up and hyped, the less and less I want to see it or read it. The premier case in point is the last Harry Potter book. I haven’t read it. I don’t want to read it, because I’m so sick of all things Harry Potter. It’s the same with SATC. I’ve been overexposed, and now I want nothing more than for it to just go away.

Too bad that’s not going to happen until, like, June. At least.