Things I Will Do When I Am The Vampire
Having a hideous day at work, but this is making me smile: Things to Do When I Am The Vampire. My favorites:
3. The Hero will come armed with holy water, a cross and a stake. I will come armed with a 5.56 mm assault rifle and grenades. If the Hero has to cross open ground, there is no better way to reach out and touch someone than with a sniper rifle.
52. Although firearms are useless against me and the concubines they work quite effectively on the Hero and his friends. Therefore all concubines will be armed and taught to shoot. They will use hand and fang in attack only as a last resort.
63. As cute as the Vampire Slayer is, there are other girls just as cute who are not capable of destroying me.
The Smart Bitches have even more hilarity.